These moments are so important because we can only change what we admit exists in the first place. We can only be present to the transformations in our lives that we acknowledge. We can only aim for what we are bold enough to declare.
This blog is part of my Client Stories - Real people who take on challenges, overcome them, and inspire myself and others along the way.
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I met Felita in January, when the New Years Resolutioners flock to the gym. While doing her intake and assessment, we got to a very important question: What are your goals? In her case, I was specific, “What is your goal weight?” I asked her.
I remember her looking at me, surprised at my frank question, “Twenty pounds. I want to lose 20 lbs.” She replied quickly.
I looked back at her, stared her straight in the eye, and gave her a curious tight-lipped smile. There was something more. Later in her end-of-training reflection, she would admit that she had pulled her response from the pool of common goals we often first subscribe to when thinking about weight loss. In her most honest moments with herself, however, I knew there had to be something more. I wanted an invitation to know it.
In our lives, we have opportunities to have what I’ve come to call mirror moments. A spiritual teacher once told me that we never really know exactly what we look like. It must be reflected back to us from a mirror or seen through another’s person’s point of view. Mirror moments are when we take a look at ourselves without any filter and see the truth of who we are. That quiet still honest moment can be deafening. And, defining. As a personal trainer, I’ve been privy to these moments, allowed to stand next to someone as they take a look.
“What is your real goal?” I asked her.
It is a grace when a person realizes that someone will listen, without judging, and with no other ulterior motive than to help. That moment breaks open a person, giving them the space to stand at the start line of any journey they may be undertaking. It dares them to be unafraid of turning around to look back, with rose-colored glasses stripped off. If perhaps for the first time, acknowledging why they are here in the first place, what it is that they want, and who they are in this moment.
A flood of responses followed. In Felita’s words from her reflection,
“I told her that I didn’t want to lose my breath walking up a flight of stairs, and I didn’t want my knees to hurt walking back down. I told her that I wanted to hike to the top of Nevada Falls in Yosemite in June without feeling like it was Mount Everest. I told her that I didn’t want to feel like crap all the time. She asked me what my ultimate weight goal was. I told her that I would like it to at least match the weight on my driver’s license by my 50th birthday.”
There it was.
These moments are so important because we can only change what we admit exists in the first place. We can only be present to the transformations in our lives that we acknowledge. We can only aim for what we are bold enough to declare.
While we may feel it is enough to have a silent internal desire for something better in our lives, there is an inexplicable yet tangible power in allowing that soft voice inside to speak out loud. It’s as if breathing air into that truth gives it a better opportunity to come to fruition because it now exists somewhere else other than hidden within ourselves.
Sometimes we try to fool ourselves with goals that fall short of what we truly want because we don’t want to be disappointed if we don’t reach them. We don’t want others to know because what if we don’t cross the finish line? We wonder how we will be viewed by other people if we don’t finish the race.
But in an honest mirror moment, our ability to be brave enough to see more clearly who we are opens us up to move forward. Because of that honest moment, the two of us were able to develop realistic goals, plans, and a timeline. There were setbacks and life-changing events. It was hard. Really hard at times. But Felita lost 50 lbs that year, hiked up Nevada Falls, and reached a level of health she hadn’t had in many years.
So today, is there an invitation for you to have a mirror moment? Because if there is, take it. I’m cheering you on in spirit and as someone who is also in the same boat. A mirror moment is not a singular event in our lives. It happens every time we make a choice to see with our own eyes what needs to be seen in order for us to change it.
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Photo Credit: PiConsti CC By-SA 2.0